I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
