you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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