So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
