He kissed a someone with a penis
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
