Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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