I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
