Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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