I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This house was built for laser tag.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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