I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
