I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize