I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
