even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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