There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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