Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
