apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I could fuck to npr.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
