She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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