well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
