Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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