I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
