I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
