Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
