Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
