so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
