Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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