I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
