how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
