That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
