How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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