So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
