i permit you to call me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
