First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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