I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
