I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
