Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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