You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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