what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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