thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
