The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
