____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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