16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
