i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
