she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize