He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You are the jesus of drinking
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
