What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
