I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I will pee on everything he values.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
