i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is classic penis vs brain.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
