I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
