i just had sex bonerless
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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