you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
