69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
