I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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