took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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