Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just high enough for therapy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
