No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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