I seem to have left my pride at pride
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
