Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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