What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
