Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
