my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
