I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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