this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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