I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
