My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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