i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
