Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
