I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
