Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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