My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
